Alderton’s recipe is designed to be easy and something one can make with minimal effort. She asserts that no scrambled eggs ever need milk or cream, and that if one keeps it simple, they are easy to make and eat when one feels sad.

This chapter consists of a series of text messages written by Alderton pretending to be her friend India, sent via India’s phone. The first is between India and Sam, an ex-colleague, in which Alderton-as-India asks if she can leave her garbage bins at Sam’s residence since the sanitation workers in her borough no longer pick up every bin every time. She asks Shaun, one of India’s university friends, if he will invest in her plan to sell mini fridges in various colors and asks Zac, another university friend, if she can borrow a pair of his trousers. Alderton-as-India then texts Paul, “a man India once snogged” (217), to ask if he wants to join her new Irish dance troupe.

Emily’s bridesmaids send a mass email to a group, the contents of which include the itinerary for the bachelorette party. The bridesmaids remind recipients that being invited to the “hen do” does not mean they are invited to the wedding, and anyone at the party who attempts to talk to Emily about the upcoming wedding will be ejected from the party.