From the opening pages of the text, it is clear that Aiden is uncomfortable with a lot of things about himself: He feels like he’s overweight and not tall enough, he doesn’t like his high-pitched voice or its feminine inflection, he hates being reminded he’s biracial, and most of call, he’s self-conscious about being perceived as gay. His insecurities stem from the fact that everyone around him is constantly reminding him of his differences. At school and camp, he is bullied for nearly every aspect of his identity; the culture of the 1990s is so fundamentally anti-gay that it is impossible for him to avoid the pervasive hatred. At camp, anti-gay slurs and jokes are thrown around as casually as common greetings, and at church he’s reminded that his very existence is a sin.

This causes Aiden to deny core aspects of who he is and focus on what he isn’t: He isn’t tall and athletic, he doesn’t look or sound like the other boys, and he isn’t straight enough. He bases his self-worth on comparisons to other people. By constantly comparing himself to impossible standards, he falls into a pattern of self-hatred and feeling inadequate. His first attempts to remedy this involve looking outwards for ways to better fit in.