Who we are consists of the choices we make. If we’re unconscious of this process—for example, we’re unaware of the rules of our upbringing that we’ve accepted unthinkingly—we can be victims of our unconscious choices. The Compound Effect works just as potently with negative decisions as with positive ones. By becoming aware of small choices that lead us astray, we can wrest control of the process and aim it toward what we really want.

People love to complain, and thereby miss out on appreciating others. Hardy shares that he once kept a “Thanks Giving” journal where, for a year, he recorded daily something good that his wife did. The experience greatly enhanced his appreciation for her, and their relationship entered a new, higher phase. One Thanksgiving, he presented it to her; she said it was the best gift she ever received.

A person in a relationship is 100% responsible for it. If we believe that some of a relationship’s outcomes are the other person’s fault, we abdicate our ability to improve it. This also is true of all outcomes in life: Things that go wrong don’t get repaired until we fix them.

People often believe that success is a matter of luck.