Loneliness in marriage is a common affliction, as partners prioritize careers, child-raising, and endless to-do lists over keeping the spark alive in their marriage. As a result, the Gottmans note, “[W]e can find ourselves sitting in the same room with the person we married or committed to, the person we love, and feel very alone” (127).

In a 2002 study by UCLA’s Sloan Center, social scientists set up camp in the Los Angeles homes of working couples with children to determine how little time partners devoted to one another. They averaged a mere 35 minutes of conversation together a week, and the subjects of those were purely logistical. As they continued with their lives, they neglected the relationship at its center. Other studies demonstrate that childless couples and even those in retirement show similar outcomes to the Sloan Center’s study, as, “once committed and settled down, they stop paying attention to the relationship” (130). The Gottmans conclude that if we do not make time for our partners and find out how they have changed or what they desire, we will drift apart.

Their prescription is to go out and have some fun together. Research shows that couples whose sex life has dwindled are also starved in areas belonging to sensuality and adventure.