41 pages • 1 hour read
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“For months on end, she colonized that bed like a virus.”
Gifty talks about how much time her mother spent in bed, first in her childhood, then when she comes to visit her while she was finishing her PhD. This is a symptom of her extreme depression at those times. Gifty’s comments betray a certain disgust with her mother’s inertia.
“I had a million selves, too many to gather.”
Gifty thinks this facing the mirror after breaking down in tears in front of her lab partner, Han. This was ostensibly because she had discovered one of her test mice was injured from fighting, but her comment here reveals a deeper worry about her lack of a coherent identity.
“If you’re in space, how can you see me, and what do I look like to you?”
This is from one of Gifty’s early journal entries directed toward God. In one way this reflects a childish curiosity with, and confusion about, the nature of God. It is also connected to a deeper concern about what it means to be seen in the eyes of others.
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