When they are as young as 3 years old, children begin to notice differences in physical appearance, especially skin color. When Tatum’s oldest son, Jonathan, was in preschool, a White classmate asked him if his skin was brown because he drank too much chocolate milk. The classmate had already begun to see Whiteness as the norm. His question was not a sign of prejudice, but confusion. Tatum also tells the story of a 5-year-old Black boy who wished he was White because he wanted to become a paramedic, like all the White paramedics he saw on TV. He hadn’t necessarily developed a negative self-image, but he had become aware of White privilege.

Children’s race-related questions and observations often go unanswered because the adults in their lives don’t know how to respond. Their questions don’t go away, but they do gradually learn that race is a taboo topic to discuss. Tatum has endeavored to talk openly with her children about race. When Jonathan asked her why their family was not living in Africa like their ancestors, she explained slavery in a way a four-year-old could understand. She was careful to show that Black people were not merely passive victims of slavery, nor were all White people victimizers.